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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29987217">You Had Me At Goodbye</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Jade/pseuds/Captain_Jade'>Captain_Jade</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Lego Ninjago</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, Angst, Bullying, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Not A Happy Ending, Ouch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:07:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,150</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29987217</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Jade/pseuds/Captain_Jade</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>5 times Jay ignores the way his friends treat him, and 1 time he doesn't.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cole &amp; Lloyd Garmadon &amp; Kai &amp; Nya &amp; Jay Walker &amp; Zane, Nya/Jay Walker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You Had Me At Goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grimbeak/gifts">Grimbeak</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaykinnie/gifts">jaykinnie</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Last one takes place during the Island, but there are no spoilers because since I did not like the Island, I have thrown canon out the window.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div>
  <p>
    <b>one</b>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay didn't used to hate spiders.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Actually, he used to really like them. When he was little, he named every spider he came across and thanked them for eating mosquitoes. He used to get mad whenever people killed them. He wasn't even freaked out when he found one inside the house; he just calmly let it climb onto his hand and took it outside.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The mere <em>thought </em>of letting a spider climb onto his hand now, though, is enough to make him feel nauseous.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Which is, he decides, absolutely absurd. Sure, he'd almost gotten eaten alive by an enormous tiger widow while trying to extract its venom from its fangs, but technically speaking, that had never actually happened. Therefore, there's no reason to be upset about it.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>At all. Definitely not. It's definitely not a problem that there's one on his bedroom wall right now.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>And it's <em>absolutely</em> not a problem that currently Nya isn't home to get it for him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The fact that it's nearly the size of a quarter isn't any reason to panic either. Nope. He's totally fine. He can ignore it. Maybe if he leaves and comes back later, it'll be gone.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>But if he does that, then he won't know where it is. It could crawl into his sock drawer, or into his <em>bed</em>, and if it climbed into his bed than later it could crawl on him in his <em>sleep</em>, and after that thought occurs to him Jay immediately screeches, runs out of his room and dives onto the couch in between Kai and Cole, knocking the video game controllers out of their hands.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Jay, what the heck!" Kai cries angrily, as his character dies and the 'game over' screen pops up. "What are you doing?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay takes a second to catch his breath before sputtering, "there's a...a sp-spider. In my room."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Wha- are you kidding me?" Cole demands. "You can take care of that yourself." He tries to push Jay off of him, but Jay tightens his grip on his arm.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No! I can't! Please come kill it for me! Quick, before it climbs somewhere else like, like my bed, and I lose sight of it, and then it'll crawl on me in my sleep, and then, then what if it bites me and I...and..." Jay breaks off.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cole and Kai both stare at him blankly for a few moments. "Are you serious?" Kai says flatly.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay feels his face heat up, but that's not as bad as the pounding in his chest, so he persists. "Please! Just, it'll be really quick. I...I don't want...please just kill it for me!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I don't remember you ever being so scared of spiders before," Cole remarks. "What's your problem?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I...don't...know," Jay mumbles.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Kai rolls his eyes. "Whatever. If I get it for you will you leave us alone?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yes. I promise." Jay quickly grabs Kai by the arm and drags him back to his room. "See? It's right there," he says, relieved that it hadn't moved from its spot on the wall.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Dude, that thing is completely harmless. You're acting like you have a black widow in your room or something."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Just...kill it, please."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I don't want to kill it. I'll take it outside, though."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay would have preferred he killed it so that he knew it wouldn't come back, but at least he's getting rid of it somehow. Kai takes a comic book from Jay's desk (it's not one of the good ones, thankfully) and coaxes the spider onto it. Jay nervously follows him outside, to make sure he's not lying and planning on releasing it somewhere else in the house—not that that makes any sense, but he can't help but be paranoid.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Sure you don't want to keep it?" Kai teases. And then he shoves it in Jay's face.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay yelps, trying to get away, but he's backed up against the wall and...and oh god, is it moving? He slides down the wall and ducks his head. Logically, he knows Kai probably wouldn't throw a spider at him, but he's so preoccupied with the fact that it was <em>so close to his face</em> and the flashbacks feel like they're about to start and he wants to yell at Kai to go away but he can't get the words out of his mouth and-</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"KAI! STOP IT!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay breathes a shaky sigh of relief as he peeks through his fingers to see a very angry Nya take the comic book from Kai and let the spider go on the other side of the yard.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Okay, gosh! I wasn't actually gonna-" Kai starts, but shuts up after Nya glares at him and points to the door. He goes back inside.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay nervously looks up at her, still struggling to control his breathing. "Th-thank you," he stutters. "I...I know I shouldn't have freaked out like that, bu-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Shh. Don't say that. You're fine," Nya interrupts. She sits down next to him and places a hand on his back. "Breathe with me, okay? Eight seconds in, eight seconds out."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Once Jay has calmed down, he rests his head on her shoulder. "Thank you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Of course," Nya says softly. "I'm sorry about Kai."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's fine. He didn't know."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Nya pauses. "It's really...<em>not</em>. He might not know what happened to you, but that doesn't make it okay for him t-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's <em>fine</em>, Nya," Jay repeats. "I mean, what are we gonna do about it? Tell him that I was traumatized by the time I had to get venom from an enormous spider to stop a magical pirate genie that held me hostage and tortured me for two weeks in a timeline that I deleted because you died? Sure, he'll <em>totally</em> believe that."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Nya falters. "Wh- I mean..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Please don't bring it up with him again."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I...okay," Nya sighs. "Just...if he ever does anything like that again, I think it's worth a conversation."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>(It's not. It never is.)</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <b>two</b>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Come on! How long is it going to take for you to forgive me?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I've already forgiven you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Then why are you still acting like you're mad at me?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm not."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yes you are! You're acting all...passive aggressive."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No I'm not."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm <em>sorry</em>, okay?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I forgive you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Arghh!" Jay throws his hands up in the air and stops walking. "Can we just, like, talk about it?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Why not?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I don't feel like it."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay exhales sharply. They've been best friends for almost seven years; Cole knows <em>exactly</em> how to push his buttons. He's <em>trying</em> to make him mad. Well, two can play at that game. He'll just pretend there's nothing wrong either. He's not gonna let it get to him. "Fine. I don't feel like talking about it either," he shrugs, quickening his pace to catch up with Cole.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well, good," Cole replies.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yeah. I just don't even care."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Awesome."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay looks over at Cole, his jaw set. It's not fair. Cole took acting lessons when he was younger, of <em>course</em> he has a better poker face. He looks back at Jay with a raised eyebrow, and it takes every bit of self-restraint Jay has to avoid yelling at him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They've been looking for Wu for nearly eight months at this point and so far have hit nothing but dead-ends. Every lead, every clue, every little flame of hope that maybe they might be a step closer has been quickly extinguished, and they're getting more than a little sick of it. They're also getting sick of each <em>other</em>.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Fighting isn't exactly uncharacteristic of them, but their most recent argument had gotten a bit out of hand. It was of course to be expected—they've been under a lot of stress lately, and having no one but each other for company it was only a matter of time before something like this happened.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay really hadn't <em>intended</em> on tackling Cole into a fruit stand in the village they were staying at. Normally he wouldn't have been able to do that; he must have just caught the earth ninja off-guard. But no matter how it happened, either way they had been not-so-kindly asked to leave before they could get very far on their current investigation.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Normally they can forgive each other pretty quickly. Jay and Cole are way past holding petty grudges. However, this had come at the expense of a possible lead, so yeah, Cole's going to be angry with him for a while. Now he <em>could</em> just be a normal person and <em>act</em> angry, but <em>no</em>, Cole has to be dramatic and put on this whole façade to make Jay feel guilty.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>There's literally <em>no point </em>either. Jay has already apologized, more times than he can count. He really <em>is</em> sorry. But Cole is just going to keep doing this until he's done being mad no matter how many times Jay apologizes, so he keeps quiet.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Tries to, at least. "Yeah, I just, I don't even care."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You already said that."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well...I, uh, wanted to say it again, to emphasize how much I really just...<em>don't care</em>."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm glad we're on the same page. You can stop saying it now."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay pouts, but he stops talking, every once and a while sneaking a glance at Cole as they walk through the woods to see if his expression has changed. Nope. He looks completely indifferent. "Uh, so..." Jay clears his throat. "Not that I care or anything. But where are we going to sleep tonight?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well, since the room we were staying in is currently unavailable, we're going to sleep outside."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What? But it's freezing! Can't we look for another hotel or something?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Not an option. All of the hotels close-by require reservations ahead of time."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"But...they'd make an exception for <em>us</em>, right?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I thought you didn't care."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I...don't. It's just gonna be really cold."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yeah. That's too bad."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yeah, well..." Jay sputters. "Not that I care, again, but...I just wanted to point out that we were <em>both</em> fighting, so it's not all my fault."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I've moved on, Jay," Cole says. "I don't care."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Neither do I!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Then why do you keep bringing it up?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Arrgh! Because I'm a terrible actor and I just want you to stop being mad at me!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cole looks over at Jay for a second before shrugging. "I'm <em>not</em> mad at you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It wa- It was a <em>mistake</em>, okay?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"<em>You're</em> a mistake," Cole mutters, and Jay freezes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Well. He finally got an emotional reaction out of Cole, and that's...that's what he wanted, right?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>But even though logically he knows Cole doesn't mean it, he abruptly stops talking, staring blankly at the ground as the words echo around his head a few times. <em>You're a mistake.</em> <em>You're a mistake. You're a mistake. You're a mi-</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Do you really think so?" his voice is tiny, much more emotional than he intended it to be, as he wraps his arms around himself, suddenly feeling much more self-conscious.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Think what?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"That I'm a mistake?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cole turns around. "What? No, of course not. I was just kidding."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay doesn't answer.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Jay," Cole says. "I was <em>kidding</em>. You take things too seriously sometimes."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It wasn't funny."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well, I'm sorry."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"...It's okay."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>(Because it is. He really does take things too seriously sometimes. It's fine.)</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <b>three</b>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p>This is, without a doubt, the dumbest thing anybody has ever gotten upset about.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It was his fault for clicking on the article, anyway. What kind of person ranks the people that save the city every other week in order of how valuable they are to the team? It's stupid. They're <em>all</em> important. That's the purpose of being a <em>team</em>. How dare they put Nya at number five? And their entire team practically fell apart within the three hours that they thought Cole was dead; he deserves a <em>much</em> higher spot than just four.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>As much as his blood boils seeing his teammates rated like that, though, Jay can't really disagree with their pick for number six.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He's read the blurb over and over again, even though he doesn't need to because he already <em>knows</em> all of this stuff.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He's the smallest. <s>It makes him quicker and able to fit into small spaces that the others can't, like air ducts.</s> It makes him weak and easily overpowered, rendering him the most useless in one-on-one combat.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He never takes anything seriously. <s>He's always trying to lighten the mood because he can't stand to see his friends upset, and it </s><em><s>works</s></em><s>.</s> He's distracting and his jokes don't do anything but annoy people.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He doesn't really seem like he's cut out for the stress that comes with being a vigilante. <s>He has anxiety but he's overcome so much to get where he is and he's not going to let himself be inhibited by things that he can't control</s>. He's a coward and he can't handle being a ninja.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He doesn't bring anything unique to the team. <s>He can fit through vents and air ducts, he's the often only one who's able to lighten the mood when everything feels like a lost cause, he's good at thinking outside the box and coming up with unorthodox solutions that no one else would have considered, and he has </s><em><s>freaking lightning powers</s></em>. He's just a fill-in and he can't do anything that anyone else on the team doesn't already know how to do, and all he does is get in the way, so really everyone else would just be better off witho-</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hey, are you oka- OW! What the heck, Jay?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Apparently, Jay had started spiraling while he was holding a spoon in midair at the dinner table, and upon being startled back to reality, he flings it across the room and hits Lloyd in the face. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's fine," Lloyd sighs, the <em>"typical Jay"</em> unspoken but still present in his voice. "Is everything okay?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay pauses. "Oh, I just...there was this, uh...So I was, this morning I, um-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Spit it out," Kai snaps.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay blinks, a bit of hesitancy forming in the back of his mind. <em>Should</em> he tell them? That's what normal people would do, isn't it? That's what friends are supposed to be for. You're supposed to tell them about things that bother you so that you don't have to deal with them all by yourself.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He <em>wants</em> to tell them. He wants to show them the article so that they can all read and scoff, disgusted, at the absurdity of it—how <em>dare</em> someone imply that any <em>one</em> of them is less valuable than the others? Lloyd would probably say that he didn't deserve the number one spot, and then they would all get mad at him for that and assure him that that isn't true, and then they would all laugh at the implication that they would be fine without Nya because even before she was officially on the team they wouldn't have been able to get much done without her, and then they would assure Jay that he's not useless and then...</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>But what if they didn't? After all, they themselves have actually all told him pretty much all the reasons the author gave for putting him last. What if they agreed? What if they looked at the list and said that if there was one thing the author got right, it was that Jay wasn't an important member of the team, and that they would all be fine without him?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Jay?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Never mind," Jay mumbles. "I just zoned out. There's nothing wrong."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>(And the fact that nobody questions this obvious lie means absolutely <em>nothing</em>.)</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <b>four</b>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay was seven years old when he went to public school for the first time.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He was <em>also</em> seven years old when he went to public school for the <em>last</em> time. It was only a week and a half later, in fact, not counting the three days he spent home complaining of a stomachache before he finally told his parents what was going on and begged them to homeschool him again.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>As a scrawny little seven year old with practically no social skills who lived in a junkyard and would much rather talk about inventing and coding and circuits instead of sports or whatever it was normal seven-year-old boys liked to talk about, he didn't exactly fit in. The worst part was, though, at the time, he couldn't figure out <em>why</em>.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He didn't understand why everyone thought it was so funny when people called him junkyard boy, or what was so comical about his prized composition notebook full of ideas for inventions, or why everyone was so amused when said notebook got ruined by the kid next to him "accidentally" spilling her apple juice all over it. He didn't know what he was doing wrong, and it took at least another three years and a kid at the park who had promised to be his best friend for a day out of pity blatantly spelling it out to him before he figured it out.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Actually, Zane and Cole might have been his first real friends, if you weren't counting the 20+ imaginary friends that had lived in his closet until he was thirteen. At first he was scared that they were going to be no better than all the kids he'd known in school, but Zane was even weirder than he was and Cole didn't mind either of them.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Becoming a ninja was definitely the best thing that had ever happened to him, and his teammates, his brothers, are much better friends than he could have ever asked for, given his poor track record when it comes to socializing.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>…Probably.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Of course, it's not really very funny to him that "come on, it's easy, even Jay can do it!" has become a common phrase, or that comparing people to him is always meant in an insulting way, or that offhand comments irrationally blaming things on him are completely acceptable methods of expressing frustration about literally anything going wrong.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>But all friends tease each other like that. If Jay chooses to take them too seriously, then that's no one's fault but his own.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It's definitely not worth getting upset about it. They're just jokes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>There is absolutely <em>no</em> reason for him to be awake at an ungodly hour in the morning because he can't stop overthinking some stupid thing one of his friends had said over a week ago.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"We should send someone expendable, like Jay."</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay blinks, staring down at his reflection in the water from the deck of the Bounty. "That's how Kai is," he mutters to himself. "You're just being overly sensitive and dramatic."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay tightens his grip on the railing. What's wrong with him? Why can't he take a joke? Kai wasn't being serious. He says things like that <em>all the time</em>. Jay should be used to it by now.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Except...what if they're not just jokes? What if he really <em>is</em> expendable? Everyone on the team gets teased from time to time, that's what friends <em>do</em>, but it seems like Jay is the butt of the joke <em>way</em> more often than anyone else.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It doesn't seem too unreasonable a conclusion to come to. Although always played of as jokes, it's been said, whether in subtext or bluntly, that he's just th-</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Jay?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay yelps and almost falls over the side of the Bounty at the sound of someone's voice behind him. He whirls around. "Zane! Hi! What are you doing?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Zane blinks. "Are you alright?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Me? Pfft. Of course I am!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Zane studies him for a moment, as if he's not quite sure he believes him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Are <em>you</em> alright?" Jay asks.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Zane looks away. "It's nothing too serious. Just another nightmare."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh. You wanna talk about it?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Not really." Zane pauses. "But, some company might be nice. Would you mind if I join you?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh, sure! That's fine."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Zane smiles at him, despite clearly being still rattled from his dream. "Thank you, Jay."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You're welcome," Jay says.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>See? Zane doesn't hate you.</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Everything's fine. It's entirely Jay's fault for taking things too seriously.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>…Or not seriously enough.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>One of those two things.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>(Does it even matter which one it is anyway?)</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <b>five</b>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p>This time, when it happens, Jay doesn't even react.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He doesn't feign being offended. (He's never really offended anymore now that he mostly believes everything they say.)</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He doesn't bother trying to stand up for himself. (He never did in the first place. He didn't need to. These are his friends.)</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He just calmly gets up and walks away, locking his bedroom door behind him, and quietly sits down on his bed and stares across the room at his favorite comic book. It's old; the pages worn and curling up at the edges.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>A minute passes. He hates how quiet it is. He can hear the second hand on the clock ticking, which is never a good sign.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Another minute. He gets up, tears his favorite comic book to shreds, and deposits its remains in the trash bin in the corner. He doesn't want it anymore. Fritz Donnegan only ever reminds him of his biological dad anymore. Of how he hadn't wanted him. Of how he had been abandoned in a junk yard and never even knew why.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>There's a knock on the door. "Hey, Jay? I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I mean, I released the serpentine and nearly started another war when I was little, and that was on <em>purpose</em>. Nobody blames you for Prime Empire. It was just a joke."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I know," Jay says. "It's fine."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Lloyd says something else before he walks away, but Jay isn't listening anymore. Instead, the words "it's fine" echo in his head and he wonders, for a split second, if maybe...it <em>isn't</em> fine.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>This isn't normal, is it? This is not how having friends is supposed to feel.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>...No. Of course it's fine. Lloyd even <em>apologized</em> that time. The only explanation for it <em>not</em> being fine would be that he has bad friends, and he does <em>not</em> have bad friends.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>(Although, admittedly, he's getting a little sick of this.)</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <b>plus one</b>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Adorned in flowers, jewelry, and conflictedness, Jay frowns as he stares down at his reflection in the water, his feet dangling over the edge of the pier.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He is, to say the least, confused.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The explanation that had been given to him as requested hadn't really done much in the way of clearing things up. In fact, it only made him more confused.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Tell me you haven't felt more powerful since coming here, Jay. Can't you feel it?"</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It...isn't untrue. He <em>has </em>felt rather strange, since the moment they entered the lightning storm. It's like his senses have been heightened, and the electricity inside of him has grown a little louder.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Nobody ever taught you how to use your abilities how they were meant to be used. Lightning is wild, untamable. It isn't supposed to be constrained like yours is."</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Constrained? His lightning isn't <em>constrained</em>. It's <em>controlled</em>, so that he doesn't end up overloading every electrically-powered device or electrocute everyone within close proximity, but that's different.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p><em>"If you stay, we can teach you. You </em>belong <em>here."</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay bites his lip. Choosing a sketchy remote village that may very well be lying to him and is currently holding all of his friends captive over going back home like he's supposed to does not seem like a great plan.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <s>But the words "you belong here" have been playing over and over and over again in his head, and a lump forms in his throat because he realizes that he doesn't think anyone else has </s>
    <em>
      <s>ever </s>
    </em>
    <s>said that to him. It feels...nice.</s>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay shakes his head, pulling himself to his feet. Nope. He's not going to think about that now. Maybe much later, when he's in bed and staring up at the ceiling, he can let his mind wander and explore that feeling a bit more. And maybe then he might feel a little bit regretful, but he will know that he made the right choice.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>There is no way he feels more at home with these strangers than he does with the people he has lived with and fought alongside for the past three years.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He shivers as he walks through the rain, the chatter in his mind fading in and out. He's an idiot for even considering their offer. They're probably trying to trick him. They're probably not even telling the truth. He's going to go free his friends, and they're going to go home.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <s>Jay feels sick. He's not entirely sure he </s>
    <em>
      <s>wants</s>
    </em>
    <s> to go home.</s>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay feels fine. Of course he wants to go home. He loves his job. He loves his family. <em>That's</em> where he belongs. With them.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <s>Why does it feel so difficult to get the word "family" past his lips? Has it always been this hard?</s>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay is <em>fine</em>. The only reason he feels so weird is because of all the lightning here. He's never been around so much lightning at once. It's probably scrambling his brain or something.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <s>That doesn't make any sense. Usually being around lightning makes him feel </s>
    <em>
      <s>less </s>
    </em>
    <s>scrambled. There's something weird about this place. There's something weird about him.</s>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He's <em>fine</em>. Everything is <em>fine</em>. It's ju-</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hey, uh, Jay? What are you wearing?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay jumps, having been too caught up in his thoughts to realize he'd reached the place where his friends were being held. "It's, uh." He blinks. "It's a flower crown. You know."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yeah, I know, but why are you wearing it?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"...Because it's pretty. Anyway, you guys ready to get out of here?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yeah. How did you escape?" asks Cole.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I...didn't." Jay picks the lock on their cell and takes the necklace off, dropping it on the ground. His eyes linger on it for a moment before he turns around. "Okay. Let's get going."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Somewhat reluctantly, he takes off his flower crown too, and drops it on the beach as they walk towards the ship. "What'd they do with you?" Nya asks, looking curiously at the distracted expression on Jay's face.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh. Um. They just wanted to talk to me. About my powers. 'Cause of the lightning."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"They didn't hurt you, did they?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No. I'm fine."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <s>Why does his voice sound like it's coming from somewhere else? Why can't he feel anything? It's like he's not in his body.</s>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay pauses, wetting his lips before speaking again. "They asked me if I wanted to stay."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Huh. They probably wanted to use you as an experimental power source or something," Kai says.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No they didn't. They just told me I was using my powers wrong and that they wanted to help me."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yeah. They wanted to use you as an experimental power source."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Wha- they didn't! They gave me a choice! They let me go and they gave me all that fancy stuff because I was gonna b-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Why would anyone willingly keep you around if you weren't useful in some way?" Kai scoffs.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay freezes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>And nobody else does.</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The conversation <em>changes</em>.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay stares at his feet as he falls behind, a sinking feeling making itself known in the pit of his stomach.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Oh.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He gets it now.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Have...have they <em>ever </em>been his friends?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"I'm looking forward to the peace and quiet when you're out of the tournament."</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Then let it bite you!"</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p><em>"</em>You're <em>a mistake."</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"We should send some expendable...like Jay."</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"I mean, Jay had to save me just now. Jay!"</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Granted, if it weren't for Jay nobody would have gotten cubed in the first place, but you know. What do you expect?"</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Why would anybody willingly keep you around if you weren't useful in some way?"</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>His head floods with images, that scratch him from the inside and try to rip a sob out of his chest. But he doesn't cry.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>His heart hammering and his hands shaking, he comes to a stop.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He probably could have walked away and left and no one would have even noticed, but instead his hands clench themselves into fists and he says in a low voice, "I'm staying."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Everyone turns around. "...What did you just say?" Nya says.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay takes a step backwards. "I...I'm not coming back with you. I <em>can't</em>."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Wha- Jay, come on. What are you-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I said <em>no</em>," he snarls. His voice is suddenly laced with a venom he's never heard from himself before. There are tears stinging in his eyes, but this time they're tears of anger, and they're hot when they roll down his cheeks and leave streaks of salt-flavored fire on his face. "I'm <em>staying</em>. I don't want to go back with you. And don't pretend like you want me to, either. Do you think I don't notice the things you say about me? You call me your friend but you act like all I do is get in the way, and I am <em>sick of it</em>."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jay wants to wipe every single stupid shocked expression off of their faces. He <em>hates</em> them. He doesn't ever want to see any of them again. <s>He loves them more than anything, and there's a spike of fear that stabs him in the heart that begs him to go with them because he does not want to say goodbye. He covers his ears.</s></p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"<em>Jay</em>," Nya breathes. "Please. Can we just...talk about this?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"We're not gonna <em>leave </em>you here," Lloyd insists. "You can't ju-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm done. I quit."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Will you quit being so dramatic?" Kai says. "You don't need to take everything so personally. You know we don't actually mean th-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm. Done." Jay turns around. "And don't try to come after me. It won't work. The Keepers won't let you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Everything is made out of crackling static and echoes and shadows when he slowly puts his crown back on and stares straight ahead with a blank expression and listens to voices hiss incomprehensible nonsense his ear as he walks through the village. There are too many people talking at once for him to make anything out, except for a "you made the right choice" and a few "welcome home"s that send shivers of uncertainty down his spine and a lump to his throat and him right to his knees as he collapses in a heap when he is finally alone.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Nothing is made out of everything when he finally lets himself cry, body wracked with the broken, lost sobs of a broken, lost boy.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Everything is made out of nothing when he finally cries himself out, wiping away his tears with his sleeve and taking a deep breath.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>And despite the millions of thoughts running around his head, for once, Jay's mind is completely silent.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He has nothing else to say.</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>